brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
