I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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