If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
