He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
