i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
