Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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