i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
