i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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