He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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