ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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