i wish my penis had a tongue
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
