In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
