Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
