Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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