dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
