I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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