I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
