Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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