i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This baby is an asshole
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
