So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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