If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
