using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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