Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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