drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
