I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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