finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
