I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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