If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
