I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
