That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
