That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
