sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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