my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
