K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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