I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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