my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
