Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
