dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
not ubering you a puppy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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