i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
