for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
