I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
