i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
