So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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