Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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