Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
