You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
