i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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