Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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