that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
