I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
