i already hear my dad disowning me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
