Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont even know how to be here
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
