tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
